A quarter for my thoughts

t's been awhile. I'm not really sure why except that I haven't felt the writing bug. No inspirational stories about dominatrix or hemorrhoids. Just life.

So here are a bunch of random thoughts I've been thinking about while introspecting:

Random though #1
Commitment. I think I have commitment phobia/anxiety. I'm not really sure why, and I don't really mean relationships here, although certainly that’s probably true as well. I just know that commitments always seem to muddle things. Take for instance this team I'm in charge of at church. For almost a year I've been mostly running the team. Things have been going fine, I don't mind it or anything. Then my friend M asks me to officially take over the team and bam all of a sudden I don't like it. I almost hate it. It’s a burden, it makes me feel cornered when I want to do things, I'm not doing near as good of job leading it as when I wasn't leading it. Or trying to decide what I want to study in my MBA. I still have 5 classes because I can't decide what to drop and commit to. Why is it then when things become serious I seem to run screaming (or at least get unhappy because I feel trapped). It’s weird. My parents seem to have a pretty healthy committed view. I don't know why in my own schematic commitment spells disaster for me. I often wonder if it’s because of the seriousness in which I take responsibility.

Random though #2
At what price does happiness come? I wonder consistently what one is required to sacrifice in life to obtain "happiness". Perhaps this post is becoming harsh and pessimistic, but it seems to be a true fact of life. We, as people, are constantly sacrificing because we want some sort of better happiness. I just wonder what that balance looks like. Should I be fat and eat what I like? Should I be happy with the money I make and skip grad school and working to continue in my career? Should I stop doing that face mask that makes my skin burn and deal with wrinkles later (Lindsay if you are reading this then no comment necessary from you on this one!)I can't really say that I mind all the sacrifices. I just wonder what the balance is of living? Is that something we find out as we get older? Why is life so much harder than anyone ever tells you? Or perhaps it’s not and I just make it that way.

Random Thought #3
Should I highlight my hair? I've been putting some serious thought into this. As a general rule of thumb I feel like it’s a waste of money. However, as of late I’ve been feeling like having my natural color is excluding me from the sexy hair club. I’m not even sure what color I would chose but God knows I can’t be left out of the sexy hair club.

Radom Thought #4
Christmas is quickly approaching. Send all your single friends my way! :)

Random (Final Thought) #5
I went to my family reunion the other day and was reminded by cousin (6.33 times removed...don't ask) of something. If you are reading this blog then chances are you are loved by me. Not because you are reading my blog and I didn't have to pay you, although that doesn't hurt, but because we have a past and a history. You probably helped shape me into who I am and were a friend or family or peer or mentor or something. You made my load easier. So thanks. You are loved. (Unless of course you have randomly come across my blog and are reading because you find it entertaining, which means I really love you!...seriously...).

For now sleep. But seriously feel free to comment on #3, or any of them, but especially #3.

Much love to those who read me.
-Me