I should have stayed on sabbatical

So I have been on sabbatical from my online dating. I just haven't had the time or energy (nor the desire really) but I got suckered into going on a date not long ago. I got this message from a guy named Patrick. He wooed me immediately by saying I sounded like this amazing woman and that he would love to meet with me. Wow. Ok. So we started talking. I knew immediately that it might not be the best of plans. He was pretty chatty to begin with and didn't seem to understand the idea of boundaries. He wanted to text me all the time. He worked nights and would call me on his lunch breaks. (Commitment). But he seemed very nice and was respectful.

I met him for coffee yesterday (Saturday the 12). He was nice. We met at The Grind in OP. He was on time, although he doesn't really like coffee or tea or anything else one can get at a coffee shop. So we set and talked for about an hour. I was reminded of a few of the guys I went to school with. I knew things would be bad when I hated the smell of his cologne. Gah! It kind of made my tummy hurt. LOL. He didn't stink or anything but I could never have lived with it! His faith was nowhere near where I would needed it to be. (We had discussed Bibles and our faith and he said he had been to several different types of churches but hadn't been able to find one he liked enough to stay with). However it turns out he has only sat in on two church services (LOL) and they may not have even been in his non teen life, I'm not sure.

He was SUPER nice and when I got up to leave he asked if I would want to do this again. I had to tell him that we weren't in the same place in life (I know I use that a lot but truth is truth) but that I would be glad to be his friend (but I also through in that I was fairly busy until after the holiday which is also true). So Patrick was a bust. But he is nice. Just not for me.

Another date gone horribly mediocre (or perhaps slightly less).

When it rains, it poors...or when it beeps it roars?

So this morning I finally force myself out of bed for a morning work out. I hate doing this. More accurately I DON'T do it. No matter how much I tell myself I am getting up early to get my work out in, it doesn't happen. So this morning, I set my alarm for 5am to get up and go workout because I KNOW that small group on Wednesday won't allow for time for a good work out.

My alarm goes off at 5am and I snooze. 5:10, snooze...5:20, snooze..5:30, ok Megan its now or never. I get up and get into my work out clothes and head out the door. I have a decent workout for 45 mintues and head back in to the apartment. I put a kettle of water on for some warm tea on the way to work. I hop in the shower. Beep, beep, beep my back up alarm starts going off at 6:45 when I just shampooed my hair. I hurry through the rest of my shower hoping the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall miraculously slept elsewhere last night.

Alarm off and robe on I start to blow dry my hair only to hear another beeping. What could it be but my smoke alarm. Something has fallen into one of my burners that my tea kettle is on and my apartment smells like (and obviously has) smoke all over. I wave it off and take my tea kettle off. I get back to the bathroom only to have its piercing beep start all over again. I climbed up and took the stupid battery out (dangerous I know but at this point I'm worried about a lynch mob).

Out the door I go with all of my things cluttering up my arm space. I head to the car, throw in my laptop and purse and jostle everything around to get in when I hit the stupid panic button on my car. Seriously?!

If my neighbors ALL over my apartment don't hate me, well then its just because they don't know who I am. Sigh. Maybe I should never wake up early to run again!

Do you know the muffin man?

For women, choosing men is a lot like going to a bakery case. Its always those donuts that call out to us at first. We see them with their sprinkles and icing and bad boy smiles. Our eyes naturally go to them, we can't help ourselves. For some reason, we just want to pack up those donuts and take them home with us. If you do that though, if you take those donuts home the next day they aren't worth much. They get all soggy or dry and stale. The icing isn't really "melt in your mouth" as much as "flake all over". They don't satisfy you and lets face it they don't do much for your figure either. But in that very same bakery case, right next to the donuts are muffins. Muffins. Hhhmmm. While they may not jump out at you and you may not experience lust at first site, they look good. Upon further inspection they look really good. You go ahead and pack up a box of them to take home. Not only do they fill you up but the next morning, mmm. The next morning those muffins treat you right. You can pop them in the microwave, maybe even spread a little butter over them and they are as good as they have ever been. Muffins have an array of delight just waiting to be tapped into.

The more pastries I see the more I want those muffins. Next time your at the pastry case, choose accordingly!

Patrick...the OFFICIAL non date date

Patrick and I went to the Blue Koi last night. It was fabulous. Perhaps some of the best dumplings I have ever had AND I found the Jerusalem Cafe which I had a sampling of at a fair and am PUMPED. I had no idea it was down there.

The time was ok. I made sure to pay for my own meal because I fell like nothings says "non date" like going dutch. I think he was a little let down and he said he would be glad to hang out anytime I was free. (I had kind of told him I was super busy for the next while, which is nothing but true). Regardless I learned that I can't only not date Patrick due to our zero physical attraction but I would kill him for other reasons too.

The puns fly...wow do they fly with him. While its ok for a bit I can't imagine day in and day out. In fact, while doing that last night I almost choked on a dumpling. Bad.

So I think that I will try to distance myself. We may have to have an official DTR (define the relationship) in which I (hopefully via the phone even though I know that makes me kind of a creep) explain that it is JUST NOT going to happen but that we could probably meet to hang out once in awhile. I just don't have a lot of time for new friends. I know that SOUNDS bad, but its true. My friend pocket is full. And I can only imagine this continuously getting awkward as we progress.

Regardless it was an ok time. The Blue Koi (which was his suggestion) is by far the MOST valuable of the deal but Patrick is funny and interesting to hang out with. (I just realized that the majority of this sign is about the food and anticipation of food, not a good sign.) I just can't date him. Sigh. But I no longer regret my lack of eccentricities that prevent that. The end.

Up and Coming...it could get really funny

So here are some up and coming things to look forward to

September 9 (wednesday): dinner with Patrick (yes the non date)

September 15 (Tuesday) Date #2 with Steve (he finally asked)

September 16 (Wednesday) date with Marta so I should have a life plan to talk about.

September 17 (Thursday) date #1 with Jason the cop. Jason is new. Talked to him on the phone tonight. He is....interesting. We will give it a whirl. At least I'm not nervous to meet a cop. Very friendly. Has an 11 year old daughter (yikes, but I'm being open).

Oh the adventures. Next week is going to be BUSY! Stay tuned bc I can only imagine life is gonna get good!

Steve: The S L O W

So Steve (date #4).

I have been talking to Steve for FOREVER (which actually amounts to 3 weeks). We weren't actually talking but rather texting. It took everything (and still does) I had not to take charge of our "dating/getting to know you" time line. I have to say that I understand he is laid back and a little less driven than I am, but COME on!

So finally, he gets around to suggesting we meet up. I'm thrilled bc I have been thinking about cutting him out of the running. I was nervous that I would form an attachment to him via text which is NOT, in my opinion, a healthy relationship foundation. Anyway, so we agree to meet on thursday (of this last week) but I don't know the where or when. Well I did say coffee date so I knew it would be casualish.

I wait and wait. We set this up Sunday. We briefly text on Monday. Then again on Wednesday during nap. But by the time I left work Wednesday at 10:30 I still didn't know where or time of our meeting. I was angry (yes that's right, mad). So I (very politely...thank God tone is easy to conceal via text) text him and told him I NEEDED to know what we were doing. (Sigh, if only I could be the "man" in the relationship at this point.) Well I didn't hear from him until Thursday morning with a profound apology for falling asleep and not calling me after I got off work.

So we met at the Panera (yep, why change a good thing) at town center. First impression: He is a BAD dresser! He was wearing this weird button down and cords. To borrow a phrase from Dom (my 3 year old I nanny), "not good, not tasty at all". BUT, I can always change that later.

So we sat down for coffee and chatted for 2 hours. We had spent such a significant amount of time texting that we both knew basics. He graduated from KU with a psych degree. I'm not sure that I'm able to see where his faith really is yet but its there enough to keep exploring. He is a little weird. He is in THREE fantasy football leagues and is pretty geeked out over college basketball. He practices cursive (for self enrichment) with a friend of his one night a week. (I know this is weird and you are all probably expecting more of an explanation here but there just really isn't one. He practices cursive.Period. End. Stop.)

So yeah, it started to get cold so I said I had to jam. I asked him how he thought it went and he said well. We are going to go out again (but OF COURSE we don't have a date set, sigh). Hopefully it will be sooner than later bc my schedule is gonna get hectic with weddings and out of town family jazz. But regardless the night ended with a hug and a plan for a future. When I got home I got a text that said he had a lot of fun and thanking me for meeting him. Sweet. So we will see. I'll keep you all posted!

Mark: Not a train wreck but he certainly didn't blow my whistle

Mark (date #2). Mark a 30 year old train conductor from Richmond was my second date.

I have to admit I was excited to meet him. He was very close with his family and very upfront about his relationship with the Lord. He was kind of nerdy on the phone, which is fine bc I am nerdy enough on my own. On paper we should make a great match.

We met at Panera in Independence. (I know I know, but Panera is just such a good spot). I have to admit that at first sight I kind of suspected it might be a "not so much". However we progressed into the restaurant and he bought me dinner. He was very nice and we chatted about different things throughout the meal. He is a talker, so it was great to sit back and kind of let him go.

After we ate, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk on a path nearby. I agreed and he drove us to the "path". Turns out he had no idea where it was and so we ended up just driving around (weird).

While driving we talked about a ton of stuff. He informed me that gay men are very attracted to him (weird). He commented that my purse was VERY yellow (not a compliment I'm pretty sure). He spent significant amount of time discussing the Regan election (which I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasn't alive for). I restrained my mouth when he said non christians were like poison ivy, they rub off on u more than u rub off on them. And lastly he informed me he would be a Libertarian (if anything) and then went on to expound upon why same sex marriages weren't a good idea for the state. (Wow this makes him sound horrible when in reality he wasn't THAT bad).

Mostly I was silent, which is unusual, but what the heck does one say to any of that? Regardless he took me to my car and we parted with a hug. I thought he would call me and had been practicing ways to politely tell him no, but by the grace of God I didn't have to bc he didn't call. Huh...a Libertarian, gay man magnet, who talks so much that I can't hardly get a word in edge wise isn't interested in me? Ridiculous!

I do have to say that overall it was a good bowl of soup!

Jason: The Good, The Bad, and The Elevator

Jason, or as Missi (my sister) liked to call him Gigalo Jason.

Jason was the first guy I gave my phone number to from POF. He got me with the, "hey worst case scenario we meet someone new" line. That's my line.

It went so well on the phone. We talked constantly. For like 2 hours in the 2 nights previous to our "date". He was getting his masters in substance abuse. He was charming. And then...the date.

We met at Oak Park Mall Panera. He was late by 5 minutes. Not cool. Not cool at all. We sat and talked at Panera for a bit. Silly talk. Awkward talk. No questions just weird tip toe bantering. I assumed it was because it was first time being together. We decided to walk around. It got bad here.

He opted for us to take the elevator to the second floor. While in said elevator, he tried to make out with me! I pushed him away and told him no way. No how. He took that rather well and we made a quick lap around the upper section and I said it was time for me to go.

As we were walking to my car he said he wanted to date me exclusively!?!? That he wanted me to shut down my profile and see no one else. I said I dint know him well enough I would have to think about it. He said it was a limited time offer. No THAnK YoU!

We parted not on good terms and I assumed that was that. BUT NO! He then proceeded to text me and try to convince me that I should date him exclusive. Maybe we could try for a week. Maybe I could just give him another date. Gah! He was relentless. I refused all further advances and haven't heard from him since.

Poor Jason. Good luck finding your next girl to control and stalk.

Patrick: The non-date date

So date number three. (Yes I realize this is my first post. I will catch up the other two later.)

So we met at this little coffee shop on 39th st name The Javanaut. Quaint. Very lovely.

I had already mostly said that we were destined for friendship. I tried to be plain on this but I can't say that I was successful. Regardless, he was there when I arrived but I kind of played dumb and went in and got myself a drink.

I went out to the patio and we exchanged (the most awkward in history of ever) handshake/sorta not handshake. The good news is that the handshake was by far the worst part of the evening.

I had a great time! He was very witty and talked about himself as well as had questions for me. Conversation flowed easily for an hour and a half. I learned that he has dated a Jehovah Witness and a Wiccan. But mostly he was very interesting and kind. I enjoyed myself immensely but just am not physically attracted. I will say that he looks MUCH better than his pictures. He looks normalish :). But he is just much more eccentric than I am. I couldn't see myself with him. I CAN see us as friends.

I wrapped things up at about 9:30. I avoided all physical touch (due to prior handshake horror). He gave me a mixed cd, which I surprisingly enjoy. Overall I give it a 7. The only thing missing for an actual date is the chemistry. (Although I am not certain he is spiritually where I would like for a serious BF, but I would be willing to explore the possibility if all other things were solid.

Sigh. I must say that it was enjoyable. I regret my own lack of eccentricities that prevent a better match. I'm certain he will call again and I will have to make sure he understands the friends only vibe.

All that being said I have another date on Sunday (I think) depending on if we can work my coffee shop and small group schedule around his fantasy football draft! Ridiculous, but true. This date will be with Stephen (Steve). I'm kind of excited. We have been talking a lot. I like him. He is very sweet and into his family. He graduated with a BS in Psych from KU. We will see.

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more (doubtless exciting) adventures!

Megan